


Flickers

by Clairianne



Category: Stardew Valley (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Family Feels, First Meetings, Food Issues, Friendship, Gen, I will add them with every chapter so I won't forget about anything, Meet-Cute, Mental Health Issues, Not Beta Read, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, farming, issues connected to anxiety
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-10
Updated: 2020-01-24
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:07:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 19,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21749533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Clairianne/pseuds/Clairianne
Summary: When Aspen is convinced she's stuck in her life, one letter from her past gives her opportunity to change it.Will she be able to use it for her advantage, finding her purpose and self worth on the way? Will she finally find the place she belongs?
Relationships: Harvey/Female Player (Stardew Valley), Harvey/Player (Stardew Valley)
Comments: 9
Kudos: 20





	1. Prologue

_JOJA_

_Join us_

_Thrive_

Big, blue letters, towering over the sea of identical cubic offices.

_There’s something ominous about it_ , Aspen Lee thought, looking at the corporation logo. She’d never noticed this, even though she was sitting in front of those letters every day for more than three years. She just had never had the time to just… look, and think.

She were bouncing her legs unconsciously, scraping the soles on the plastic chair she sat on. Her heart was beating fast, as if she’d just run the marathon, not walk the short distance between the elevator and staff manager’s office.

_Thrive, sure,_ she thought grimly. _How?_ She thought she’d done everything she could to be the perfect employee since she’d got the job. Fulfilling her duties, spending countless hours overtime... She replied to every mail, picked every phone up and was the nicest she could’ve been to every client. All her reports and financial statements were checked at least five times, always without any changes to make...

_So why? Why am I here?_

She was worried. She wriggled on the chair, thinking about the amount of work she would have left to do after the meeting.

_W_ _hen was the last time I saw the staff manager, anyway?_

She knew exactly when. Never. She had never done anything to be forced to see him before. _So what now?_

The letters in the motto started to blur in front of her eyes.

Wasn’t blue suppose to calm you? It made her sick. 

All those question in her head made the migraine she struggled lately with even more palpable. Closing the eyes weren’t helping.

At that thought, the door to the office opened. Her legs were trembling when she made the few steps towards another plastic chair. 

Nobody answered her greeting.

The man looked at the computer screen with bored expression, not giving her even a glance. His secretary, as foreign to the girl as her boss, was typing on her laptop with similar interest. The constant clicking, with the metallic computer noise made her even less comfortable. She tried very hard not to start bouncing her legs again.

It hit her right at that moment. She had worked at the same desk in the same room with the same people and the same monotone clicking and typing for so long the days blended into months, even years and she _couldn’t_ remember anything she’d done past week. That was the first time in her entire Joja career that she had any break from her routine. Maybe the routine wasn’t so bad if it meant she wouldn’t have to sit in that office.

  
“Aspen Lee, I assume?” the man's voice started. Aspen nodded immediately, his voice pulling her out of her head. He raised an eyebrow, but didn’t comment. “For some time, we noticed the decrease in your performance. For two months and nine days, your norm reaches less than acceptable 110%. To all of this, the last report you wrote was an hour past the deadline and we’ve found one, you can say, typo...”

“But…” she tried to say, not knowing exactly what was she supposed to say; she just felt she should protest. It couldn’t be an hour late! Maybe she felt a little bit nauseous that day, but an hour… 

The dread of what would happen next enabled her from forming any coherent sentence.

“Mrs. Lee, unfortunately I have to inform you that your contract Joja. Corp will be terminated. At the end of this shift your desk is going to be cleaned and all the task started handed over to Ms. Robinson.” when he finally looked at her, his eyes were empty. She just was fired.

_God, I got fired._

“I am really sorry we must part ways like that, but the efficiency in our ranks is the priority.” he stood up and reached his hand out. Aspen, stunned, mimicked his gesture, then left. 

The way to her tiny desk in the middle of the hall had never been this long. Still like in trance, Aspen noticed a small, empty box on the surface. She put everything on there, trying very hard not to release the tears she felt behind her eyes. 

Her time in Joja. Corp. was finished. She couldn’t force herself to be anything but despair. 

There was no one acknowledging her departure, no one saying that they’re sorry, that they’re gonna keep in touch with her. She had never tried to get any friends at that work, after all. She didn’t have the time to do so. 

Coming back to her apartment was a torment.

Zuzu City in the winter was ugly; grey, snow like slush covered entirety of pathways. The sky was always bleak, leaking cold drizzle on everyone rushing to their destinations.

That day, even her bus was late, and just waiting for it reminded her that she had forgotten her mittens at home. The tears, running down her cheeks weren’t helping, splattering on her glasses. 

The reality of what had happened was gradually coming to her in waves of dread, panic and helplessness.

Aspen had just lost her job; the only income enabling her to live in the city. She gave everything she could for it.

She stopped meeting with her friends, stopped getting in touch with her family. Spending every waking moments in the office, typing and clicking and pouring everything she got, all energy and education and countless hours every day. 

With almost panic, Aspen realised she couldn’t remember when was the last time she was out, talked to anyone worth talking to and, most terrifyingly, what day it was. Her body worked mechanically, leading her towards her apartment building.

The only thought in her head was that she wouldn’t be able to afford it soon.

The apartment greeted her with silence and darkness. It was as soulless and bleak; she’d never had the time to do anything to decorate it or make it more home like. 

Not caring about the shoes, Aspen put the office box away and threw herself on the sofa.

For a long moment, there was only silence.

Then, her phone, lying on the coffee table next to her, lightened up.

She thought about the last time she got any non work related message; she couldn’t remember.

**Phil:** _Aspen, I haven’t heard from you in months. Are you okay?_

She didn’t even try to wipe the tears after that message. 

She cried panicked, for almost hour, trying to muffle the sobs with one of the pillows from the sofa.

What was she going to do now? 

_God, what would dad say?_ she thought _._ He was always against her working at Joja, telling her how they would suck the life out of her. She just couldn’t tell him… yet. 

She wouldn’t want to ask Phil, either. He was always the capable one, having his life sorted out for so many years, walking in their father’s steps. Aspen knew he would’ve help, but the mere thought about showing up at his doorsteps and seeing his worried face was too much for her to handle.

She cried till her migraine came back in full force, making her head swollen and heart heavy. She lied on the sofa long hours, till the apartment darkened and her thoughts were too much to handle.

Aspen made the decision, the only one she was strong enough to do: making some tea and calling her brother. 

It wasn’t the best idea she’d ever had, but it was something. 

"Do you remember what you’ve said after the graduation? That the work at Joja will be only temporary? One summer and you're out? And how did it end? You, barely functioning from stress, still giving everything to this sick job… I was worried for you for so long, Aspen… So long! I haven’t heard from you since my birthdays, and that was half year ago! And when was the last time I saw you? I can’t even remember…" Phil was still talking in one breath, on and on, voicr soft, but judging.

“Don’t try to make me feel even worse,” Aspen finally said, her voice trembling. She left her glasses on the coffee table, knowing she’d cry too much to wear them. “Jesus, Phil, I know all of that, but nothing I say will make it any better.”

“I know, Aspen, but as older brother, I have to make you understand… you couldn’t keep it going, you know that?” he got more agitated with every word. “I know you try to show all of us you’re a responsible adult and that you don’t need any help. I know you thought you’re doing a good thing. But your depression didn’t get better, your anxiety only worsened, and Mary told me you look like a ghost” Aspen sighed loudly at the mention of her elderly neighbour. “And she is even calling me more often than you do!”

She stayed silent, looking at her hands. She didn’t realise before how pale and unhealthy they looked. 

“Okay, I’ll try the different route. I know you’re not good with failures, but that? Losing the job? That’s normal. Almost everyone lived through that at some point. Even me.” Aspen appreciated her brother’s words, but couldn’t exactly believe him. “I know it’s hard. But it’s life.” she snorted. “Okay, it was a bad thing to say. Sorry.” 

They fell silent after that for a moment. Aspen tried to say anything, but was too tired to even try.

“You need rest, sister. You need vacations, something to keep your mind occupied by something which isn’t the work…”

“I can’t afford vacations, Phil. I won’t be able to afford the house in a month and I-I can’t… ask for h-help…”

If her brother was good with anything, it was calming her down. For some time, she just breathed after him, trying to focus on his voice, not the thoughts in her head. 

“Listen, I just thought about that and... do you remember the grandpa’s letter he left for you? Maybe it’s the time to open it and see what’s inside? Maybe it will console you, in some way.” 

Aspen thought that it was very random thing to say, but at the same time, she had never forgot about the old envelope. How could she? It was the only reminder of her beloved grandpa. It’s been almost ten years since she had sat next to his death bed in the old cottage in the woods. 

At the same thought about him, her tired eyes became blurry again.

She knew where the envelope was, squished between unused notebooks from her work desk. Aspen always had it close, that small reminder that her grandpa was caring about her enough to leave a reminder of him even after passing away.   
  
“I…” she started, then got up and sat on the sofa with purple, faded envelope, her heart beating faster. “Okay, I’ll do this.”

“Then call me back when you’ll read it.” Phil finished, hanging up.

Aspen wiped all the remaining tears and genlty opened the envelope.

_“Dear Aspen,_

_If you’re reading this, you must be in dire need of a change…”_

She looked at the yellowed letter with wide eyes. Grandpa left her _entire farm_? She couldn’t believe it. Why didn’t he left it for his son? Or even Phil? He would know more about taking care of it...

At the back of her head, the bitter thought became louder and louder. Maybe her loving grandpa knew she would have more problems with adulthood then all of his three grandchildren? Maybe he knew she would struggle. She was the youngest, and less experienced than her siblings, more emotional than both of them combined, and definitely less sure of what was she supposed to do with her future.

She realised she hadn’t thought about her future at all, as if she wouldn’t need it. Was she happy with living in the present, where there was only place for working with Joja, without friends and family?

Aspen tried very hard not to think about it that way.

She had no idea about farming, and having her own house (probably pretty beaten up from ten years of abandonment) in the middle of nowhere was a pretty scary thought. 

At the same time, mere thought about leaving that blasted city was probably the only thing she had the need for. The last time Aspen spent more than few hours in Stardew Valley was almost twenty years ago…

Her grandpa left her entire house, with hectares of wasteland, with which she could do whatever she wanted. 

She could show her father that she could be good for something.

Aspen sat there, in her living room, under the dim light, with her cold tea, looking at the old letter. Her grandpa wanted her to take care of his home, and even with some consternation, she knew that she made a choice of taking care of it the first moment she read those words on the old paper.

Aspen wasn’t ready; she was still hurt, still sore and panicked.

But also, for the first time in years, she felt hopeful. 

“So? What was there?” asked Phil the first thing he picked up the phone.

“Well… I think I’m going to take care of the Rosemary Farm.” she said, then heard her brother’s surprised gasp and laughed for the first time in months.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know the beginning isn't too spectacular, but I wanted to outline Aspen's "background", so it will be clear, at least a little bit, where is she coming from. I am very excited to show all of you what I prepared.  
> At the same time, it will be my ode to Stardew Valley as the game, which made huge impact on my life. It won't be "just" romance; I have huge plans with different characters and their relationships/problems. I also won't shy away from farm- nerding, so be prepared :P 
> 
> Come and say hi: hilltop-farm.tumblr.com 
> 
> (Also, I will try to add chapters weekly, for now. I have one more written already, and tons of new ideas, so, keep your fingers crossed!)


	2. Welcome to the valley!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aspen sees the valley and her new home for the first time. Some forgotten memories return.

With the first gusts of the spring wind, Aspen found herself in the bus speeding from the concrete jungle of Zuzu City towards her new life in Stardew Valley, her entire world packed neatly into two suitcases and a backpack.

Weeks leading to her departure were hard, to say the least. Her first excitement died soon after her talk with Phil, who admonished her about all the things she supposed to do before moving out.

It didn’t help that her body almost stopped working; after forcing herself to lie on bed way past her usual 5 AM alarm the first night (with no much sleep, unfortunately), her bones started to ache. Then, there was a fever. Her doctor explained that it happened when her body was finally allowed to rest, after months of pushing it to the limits.

She also heard some harsh words about her poor diet choices and no exercises, which definitely contributed to her poor health, in body and in mind.

Between baring the apartment, packing and trying to fight with the flu, she had to have some unpleasant conversations with Joja and the apartament owner.

It made her feel awfully unwanted, as an employee, as well as a tenant.

Aspen was relieved when, finally, her last salary was received and keys to the apartament given back.

Still feeling extremely tired, she braved herself to buy the bus ticket, take all of her belongings and start her new life.

She slept through almost half the way, exhausted from the anxiety and work she did past few weeks. The loss of her job was still the unpleasant tightness around her heart, but she knew she had to start focusing on the future, which wasn’t that clear at that moment, too.

With every mile traveled, the scenery changed and Aspen, glued to the dirty bus window. She couldn’t believe how much empty space was hidden just around the corner from the city. She wasn’t outside of it for almost the decade, first studying, then working at Joja’s. She almost forgot how beautiful her country was; all the lakes and forests and impenetrable fields.

Feeling like a child, seeing the nature for the first time in life, she absorbed the immensity of it all.

But the longer they drove, the less people stayed in the bus with her and she felt the tightness around her heart returning. She knew that Pelican Town was on the coast, but she thought maybe more people would travel to those places, especially on as clear and beautiful day as it was.

When the bus finally stopped, she realised they were standing next to small clear path, with only forest around; also, that the bus driver looked at her expectantly.

Aspen was almost stunned by all the emotions she felt at that moment.

She thanked him and exited the vehicle with her luggage in both hands; unaccustomed to carrying weights, they were trembling lightly. He closed the doors behind her immediately and drove off, leaving her in the foreign place with only silence as the only companion.

And boy, the silence was almost audible in the valley.

Aspen just stood for a moment, face to the road, breathing deeply. The air was cold and crisp, with various scents mixed in one, fresh and mountain like. She felt dizzy, drunk on the unfamiliarity of it.

“Hey! You must be Aspen,” she heard behind her and jumped, immediately turning around, her eyes lying on the tall woman in her forties, smiling brightly. She had the most stunning, bright red hair, tied into tidy bun in the crown of her head. “I’m Robin, the local carpenter. I was sent by Major Lewis to show you your new home. He’s there already, trying to tidy it up some. Come on, there’s some walk before us!” Aspen didn’t have the time to protest when one strong hand took one of her bags and threw it on the shoulder, as if it weighted nothing. She definitely envied her that.

“Oh… well, thank you, Mrs. Robin.” she replied, still stunned.

“Please, don’t make me feel even older than I am, just call me Robin.” her smile was warm enough for Aspen to just accept it and move on.

Robin talked the entirety of their fifteen minutes walk, telling her about her family (one science crazy husband, one introverted son and one friendly daughter who took skills after both of her parents), the Pelican Town and her work. She also asked Aspen questions, but the girl was still too stunned by everything happening around her, to answer more than one word to every question.

“Okay, we’re finally here. Aspen, this is The Rosemary Farm.” Robin finally said, leading Aspen through the old, open gate in the end of the road they were walking all that time.

“I wonder if my grandpa ever planted any rosemary here.” Aspen said aloud, almost out of breath after that walk, receiving a joking smile in return. Robin was way before Aspen, putting the bag on the first step of the old, wooden cottage, which supposed to be Aspen’s new home. She put the bag she was carrying next to the huge chest just behind the entrance and leaned on it, not having enough strength to carry the bag any longer.

Looking around her new farm, Aspen tried not to show how terrified it made her.

The entire area was overgrown with various trees, bushes and weeds. There was no path leading into the farm, all empty spaces covered in debris, huge stones and branches. The only part not looking like there was tornado going through lately was the area next to the chest and small pond in the other side of the path they just walked on. All around, it was only dark wall of forest behind the wooden fence.

The cottage was… ramshackle, to say the least. In the inside, Aspen panicked, looking at the wooden steps, barely holding together. She prayed to whatever was listening, that the interior was more friendly. She was suppose to live there!

Robin, as if seeing Aspen silent pleads, touched her shoulder.

“What’s the matter?”

“All of that,” Aspen answered, making wide gesture towards the wasteland.

“Sure… it’s a bit overgrown, but there’s some good soil underneath that mess!” Robin was definitely more excited about all of that that Aspen felt, but she was glad someone tried to make her feel better. “With some dedication, I am sure you’ll have it cleaned up in no time.”

Aspen sighed quietly, walking after the carpenter towards the cottage.

“And here we are, your new home…” Aspen had to admit that with the closer look the building looked pretty cute, with the wooden walls and red roof looking not that bad. She definitely appreciated beautiful, handmade shutters (she remembered her grandpa making them) and remains of wood lying next to the door to put it on the fireplace. Nights there would definitely be cold.

The door opened lightly and the older man stepped inside, lush moustaches and flat cap giving him english gentleman vibes. He smiled immediately, walking closer and shaking Aspen’s hand vigorously.

“You must be the new farmer! I’m Lewis, Major of Pelican Town.” she exchanged pleasantries, his hand still holding hers. “You know, everyone has been asking about you. It’s not everyday that someone new moves in. It’s quite a big deal!”

Aspen felt how her cheeks were getting hot.

“I hope I live up to the hype, then...” she said, but her voice wasn’t as excited as it should be.

At least, Lewis was excited for both of them. When he finally stopped shaking her hand, he started talking again, making Robin grin wickedly.

“So, you’re moving into your grandfather's old cottage. It’s a good house, very…” he waved a hand. “very ‘rustic’.”

At that, Robin started laughing, loud and resonant.

“Rustic? I would say, ‘crusty’, more.” Aspen grinned at that, locking her eyes with Robin’s. They were gleaming humorously.

Lewis definitely didn’t like that.

“That was rude, Mrs. Robin.” he said, his moustaches moving angrily. “Don’t listen to her, Ms. Aspen. She’s just saying that so you’d buy some of her house upgrades.”

That was Robin’s time to get offended. They glared at each other for a moment, but then Aspen yawned, and Major Lewis, as if shocked, straightened up and looked at her.

“I see you’re pretty tired from your long journey, miss.” she nodded, feeling his authority rubbed on her. “You should get a nice night sleep so tomorrow you’d be able to explore the city and introduce to the townspeople. They would really appreciate it.” he smiled, and walked away, telling Aspen about the large chest and its purpose at the end.

“’m gonna go, too. I left you some basic crafting ideas, so you could help yourself a little at the beginning.” she smiled sincere.

“Thank you, Robin, it’s very kind of you.” she also smiled, picking up one of her bags.

“If you’d have any questions about farming, I am pretty sure my husband, Demetrius, will be glad to help. Just visit us at the mountains. Good night, Aspen. It’s good to have you here.” she waved and vanished down the road.

Aspen was left alone, again, birds singing and wind as the only companion. Seeing the farm and the cottage, the fact that all of that was her, finally got to her. Even with how tired she felt, she took both bags and opened the door to her new house.

The first thing Aspen did was opening all the windows wide open to ventilate the tiny room from the stale smell of dust. For a moment, she just stood in the open window, looking at all the debris and trees, trying to calm her fast beating heart. She fought the strong urge to call her dad; to tell him she’s gonna take care of that old place, making sure his, her grandpa’s, and hers memories would be remembered. Still, she knew it would’ve been a difficult conversation and she wasn’t in a good mind space to do so yet.

She looked around the room; it was pretty bare, with only narrow bed, just as confined wardrobe, very rustic tv, round table with one stern looking chair and really nice potted plants. One pair of doors was located next to the wardrobe; the toiled behind it was small and pretty unused looking, with mirror hung on the door. Aspen wondered when was it all installed. She could’ve ask Lewis about that some day.

The duvets were dusted, but definitely wasn’t ten years old. She decided to sling them over the rail outside for the rest of the day, previously trying to shake them enough to lost some of the dust. Lewis had to at least dusted the cottage before her arrival; the floor was clean enough that she remembered to take off her high, leather boots before entering.

Aspen didn’t have a lot of energy left after that day. She was still a little bit stunned, the reality of her having a farm of her own still not sinked in properly.

She didn’t even want to think about how her muscles hurt only after walking for fifteen minutes, carrying one bag. She was definitely in a bad shape physically, her last years spent in front of the computer. She knew she had not to strain herself too much, even with so much things to do.

Aspen decided to unpack and call it a day; it was 6 already, and she knew she had long day ahead of her. First, she opened the wardrobe to investigate what’s inside. Turned out, it was almost empty, with only two items inside. One of them, being duvets, Aspen decided to just clean and use next time she had to use new ones.

The other, she took off from the hanger and held delicately in her trembling hands.

It was very old, very worn sturdy pilot jacket. Dark brown, fadet lightly at the stitches, with various patches attached to its back and arm, looked exactly like Aspen remembered.

Looking at it, she felt her eyes getting alarmingly wet. Holding it in her hands, running her fingers along the stitches, she felt like little girl again. Aspen could remember sitting on her grandpa’s knees, looking with awe in his sea green eyes, listening to his countless stories about the places he’s been and flew to as the military pilot, showing patch after patch, all of them with so many memories hidden in tightly stitched threads.

She also remembered her father, with the same jacket after his time in the military, the new patches appearing next to the old ones. She was in love with both of their stories, now recalling one after one, clinging to the thing as the tears ease. At this moment, the jacket was hers to take, and use. She decided she would try to make her own memories with it.

When she gets up from the floor, it was already darkening outside. She decided to start the fire, while she could still see anything, the jacket hanged on the back of the chair. When the fire crackled merrily, she put away all her clothes, all of them some variations of distressed jeans or yoga pants and t-shirts. Finally, she found the rest of the food she took from her apartment, knowing well enough she wouldn't be able to go to the city for anything to eat at the evening.

The duvets smelled almost fresh when she took them inside to put them into the cases. After very short (and almost cold) shower, full and extremely exhausted, she lied down and stilled, focusing on the roar of fire, trying not to let the thoughts about the future overwhelming her. The mixed feelings she felt all those weeks leading to the moment was wearing her out, she knew that.

She wouldn’t be the same Aspen Lee she was the last three years. She’s going to change, to heal, and build her life again.

She fell asleep with exhaust tears in her eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to add that chapter, because a) I'm proud of it, and b) I will remember about uploading new chapters in Fridays more. The farm is called Rosemary Farm, because I read somehwere that that the rosemary meaning is 'remembering'. Also, [ that's how I imagine the jacket. ](https://cdn10.bigcommerce.com/s-366bd7od/products/4309/images/99816/DSCF9468__62363.1508924689.800.800.jpg?c=2) I really hope you'll like it!
> 
> I'm still here, tell me what you think!: hilltop-farm.tumblr.com


	3. Pelican Town

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aspen plants her first seeds and wanders around the Pelican Town, getting to know the people and the town itself.

The first night in the old cottage was more tiring than the night had any right to be. The old bed, not repaired for years, was giving Aspen a hard time. The rustic bed frame creaked all night and springs from the old mattress were jabbing her with every move. When she finally fell asleep, it was restless, full of dreadful dreams. 

The morning greeted Aspen with rooster crowing from afar and the shy rays of sunshine peeking through the shutters. She wasn’t even surprised she slept through the first few alarms; when she finally did get up, it was way past 8. Like in a lethargy she ate, washed herself, dressed in some rugged clothes and put her hair into messy braid. 

By mistake, she also looked in the mirror.

Aspen avoided mirror’s for months after her first real migraine. She had seen, for the first time, how pale and gray her skin looked like, when she got her first migraine, in the middle of a work day, missing half an hour, curled up on the toilet floor. 

While working, she was excellent with not thinking about it. 

But deep inside, Aspen knew she messed herself up. She thought about it every time she purposefully didn’t eat lunch at work or ate preheated microwave dinner late in the night. She felt it every time the elevator didn’t work and she was forced to take the stairs. 

At that moment, standing in the small bathroom and seeing all the bones peeking through the ghost white skin, the mat hair and tired eyes, she finally had to look, evaluate all the decisions she made till that moment, and take herself accountable. 

Now it’ll change, she thought, feeling a surge of her old stubbornness. She wished she would be able to see her freckles again; in good years, they occupied almost entirety of her face and arms. 

Now I’ll have to take care of myself if I want to stay here, she thought, and decided to do what was in her power to make it possible. 

With the new motivation, Aspen went outside, squinting her eyes when the sharp, spring sun shone directly at her face. She looked at the tools lying on a porch; they were old, but looked sharp enough to be of use, at least for her mediocre skills. 

“No time as the present.” she murmured to herself, adjusting the glasses on her nose and picking up the old hoe. 

She decided to start with the parsnips, reading enough on the farming to know what to do to plan them. With every seed buried in the ground, she felt how the tightness around her heart were letting go, making a room for hope. She was good for something, right? She knew how to plant small seeds, so maybe she could to something bigger, too?

When all the seeds were planted and the air was filled with the scent of wet soil, Aspen felt tired, and almost satisfied. 

Deciding she deserved some rest, she sat on one of the steps with the bottle of water, looking at her work. The beds were a little bit skew, but all in all, that was a work well done. The day was chilly, as first days of spring usually were, so she was really glad for the grandpa’s jacket. Wondering what to do next, she drank carefully, feeling all her muscles ached.

Aspen didn’t want to stop working yet. She had some spare energy and desperately wanted to go south, to see if the field were really extend towards the ocean, as she remembered from her childhood. She guessed it’s incorrect, but wanted to try anyway.

It took her more than hour to finally saw the farm border on the south, the forest blocked off by the old fence. No ocean, though. Before the fence, the beautiful, overgrown pond was humming softly, covered with tall grass and debris. She couldn’t restrain herself from dipping her hand in it; the water was cool on her fingers. She smiled, taking a seat on one of the tree trunks close to the pond. She was exhausted, the day before mixed with that day’s work was enough to want her to lay on the grass and sleep. 

But she also knew she had to go and explore some more. Aspen realised she wasn’t getting to know new things for so long, working with Joja took all of her time.

She wanted to meet the town’s people; she wanted to see which seeds could she plant next; she wanted to see the ocean for the first time in years.

Aspen came back to the cottage to freshened up a little, find clean pair of baggy jeans and take the backpack for the new seeds. Her stomach started to rumble a little, which was also the sign for her to get up and start a walk to the town.

And the path leading to the town was gorgeous. The valley was waking up from the winter slumber slowly, with trees dressed in various shades of green and brown, shy flower buds growing still closed, but closer to the sky than to the dark soil. 

On the one side of the road she could see the hills and mountains getting closer with her every step, on the other side the forest reaching its green hands towards the town. She couldn’t focus on one thing at the time, watching and inhaling the fresh scent of the spring. 

With her mind elsewhere, she didn’t even realise when she finally reached the cobble path of the Pelican Town. She only realised she reached the town by the outlined buildings ahead of her.

Aspen also realised the muscles in her legs were giving up from all the work and lengthy walk. Standing on the path for some time, she decided she need to sit and rest for a bit, then face the town and it’s people. She saw the two possibilities ahead of her; either she could turn left and take the stairs to some park on a hill or turn left and relax at the place looking like community garden.

Her screaming leg muscles answered the unsaid question, so she turned right and dropped on the wooden bench next to enormous oak tree. It was a very pretty area, separated from the town’s square by wobbly looking fence, full of greenery. Behind the fence, Aspen could see some nicely put together flower crates she couldn’t wait to look at closer.

She stretched her long legs, trying not to look at how her clothes hanged on her and closed her eyes for a moment, taking deep breaths to calm her hammering heart. She couldn’t believe how out of shape she were; the walk alone was enough to make her sweat. 

When she finally calmed herself enough to do something useful, she decided to pull out the notebook from her backpack and start making notes. Her brain always worked best when she could write down her thoughts and ideas. 

Aspen started with sketching her farm roughly, making sure to put all the points she knew about at the exact points they stood. She draw some wobbly looking cottage, huge crate for all the stuff for sale, her parsnip field and ponds around the place. At the new page, she did plans for the next day, writing about discovering rest of the farm and planting new seeds she would buy. 

Around her, the town remained almost quiet, with only birds chirping and some steps heard from afar. Aspen was still engrossed with her notebook, trying to write all the question she had for town people and things she supposed to learn. Analytical thinking was the one thing she really used in real life as a skill learnt in Joja. 

Aspen wanted to put the notebook away when she reminded herself about one more thing. She smiled, to herself, after writing “Smith?” with big letters.

“...Oh?” she heard close to her and almost jumped, startled. Her eyes immediately locked with eyes of the most gorgeous shade of brown she had ever seen. The owner of those eyes were standing close. How did he come this close without her noticing?

He stood in front of her, completely still, the book in his hands completely forgotten. He looked as Aspen with huge eyes which she thought should made her feel uncomfortable. They didn’t.

She looked at him back, at the softest looking, unruly, auburn hair, clean shaven face aside from well groomed moustaches, deep eyes, which corners showed visible laugh lines hidden behind the glasses with thick frames. He was way taller than her, with long limbs dressed up with neat set of green jacket, brown slacks and whitest shirt with the tie matching everything nicely. 

Everything about the man screamed gentleness and competency and Aspen, mesmerized, realised that she hadn’t say anything for the long, long time. 

“I’m sorry I… shouldn’t be here? I am sorry if I took your spot or...” she started to mumble while the man recovered, immediately blushing. 

“No! No, I was just surprised, usually nobody…” he sounded panicked, closing the book, using one of his long fingers to keep the page from getting lost. “I was just surprised.”

Aspen tried to smile, but she felt her lips budge. The man still looked at her intently, but she noticed the nervousness on his features, which made her feel even worse; she didn’t mean to make him feel awkward, but that was her default effect on people.

“I can go, if you want to be alone, I should go try to find the shop anyway…”

“No, please, stay!” he said, almost desperately, sitting next to her, but not close enough to touch. He took a deep breath and put the book on his knees. “I apologise for my odd behaviour, it’s not every day I tend to meet new people.”

“Major Lewis told me it’s not every day you’re having new folks in town.” she finally put the notebook in the backpack and when she raised her eyes, the man was still looking at her. “I’m Aspen, the new folk in town.” she held out her hand between them. He immediately took and shook it; it was very cold to the touch. 

“It's a pleasure to meet you. I'm Harvey, the local doctor.” his smile was gentle and Aspen felt how it warmed her insides.

“Being a doctor sounds like a hard work.” she mused.

“Not harder than a farmer one, but it’s rewarding work nonetheless. I hope you'll find your own work equally rewarding, in time.” he said, and there was silence, because Aspen couldn’t stop watching how the smile changed his entire face. 

“To be honest, I am not sure I can fall under the ‘farmer’ profession, yet. It’s been only a day!”

“You have the time, and all of us in Pelican Town will definitely help you the best of our ability.” it was nice to hear someone saying this, especially when she still felt lost.

“You’re the first person I met here, except for my bygone welcome committee. Maybe you can tell me where can I buy something to eat and look around for the new seeds?” for some reason, when she looked at him hopefully, he turned his gaze elsewhere.

Harvey explained and showed Aspen where the main points of the city were, sketching her even a small map in the back of her notebook with precision. The conversation between them were flowing smoothly and she lost the track of time until, after some time, Harvey got up and smiled at her apologetically. 

“It is really lovely to talk with you, Aspen, but I must apologise and come back to the clinic. I was suppose to take a short break to read some articles, but…”

“Oh dear, I’m so sorry I took all your spare time from you!” she also stood up, feeling guilty. 

“Trust me, I was the nicest break I have had in a very long time. I wish I could extend it some more…”

“I understand. At least I can escort you to the clinic, right? That way we can talk a little bit longer.” she put her backpack without his answer; she also didn’t miss how Harvey’s cheeks reddened at her words.

It was only few moments before they were standing in front of Harvey’s small clinic. They looked at each other for an awkward moment, and finally Aspen decided she made a fool of herself enough for one day.

“It was really nice to meet you, Harvey. Thank you for everything… see you around?” she waved and looked at his last smile. 

“Remember, you are always welcome to visit the clinic if you need any help or someone to talk to.” he waved back, leaving her with stupid smile and her soul so much lighter than before.

Aspen didn’t even manage to turn around completely when Major’s face appeared behind her.

“I see you met our good Doctor Harvey!” there was something weirdly false in his smile.

“Yes, we had a little chat…”

“He’s one of the oldest bachelors in our community, but he’s still a good person,” Lewis interrupted her, and she thought it’s very weird thing to say about someone, especially town’s doctor. She felt a pang of anger growing in her stomach; it was very rude for Lewis to talk like that about the man. “He’s got a heart in a right place, but he’s so lonely…”

“Well… um…” what was she supposed to say at that? “Excuse me, Major, but I have to go to the store before closing…” she tried to be polite, still feeling uneasy, wanting to get rid of older man.

He just smiled wider.

“Yes, of course! You have to meet Pierre, you’ll be the great help for you and I am sure he will be able to equip you with everything you need!” Lewis hooked his arm on hers and lead her to the building by the Harvey’s clinic. 

All the happiness from before disappeared in the spring air. 

The store was so cluttered Aspen was sure she could find everything she could ever want and need there. Used to shopping in huge supermarkets, she was mesmerized by the pure chaos on the shells. 

“Hey, it's Mrs. Aspen Lee, the new farmer! I'm Pierre, owner of the local general store.” the man behind the counter smiled widely, coming to the pair, immediately shaking Aspen’s hand. “If you're looking for seeds, my shop is the place to go. I'll also buy produce from you for a good price! A little agriculture could really inject new life into the local economy!” he was speaking so fast she barely could understand it, but still smiled politely. 

“I’m sure she’d help with your business greatly!” laughed Lewis, patting Aspen on her back stronger than her poor muscles would appreciate. “I’ll leave her at your good hands, then, I still have some things to do before it ends.” 

She sighed in relief when Lewis closed the door behind him with a light jingle of the bell above them. Pierre left her, too, attending some old lady, so Aspen finally had a minute to look around.

She immediately approached the display of spring seeds. She took some basics she read about before, but stopped by the flower bulbs. 

Aspen had always wanted to have her own flower garden and when she finally had a chance, she wasn’t sure it’s a good idea to do so as the first thing in the new place.

“Hello! You must be Aspen, the new farmer.” Aspen turned her head toward the soft voice on her left, kind of annoyed hearing the same words for so many times. The woman standing next to her were smiling lightly, her green hair tied with two low pigtails. “I'm Caroline. My husband runs the general store here. I can see you’re interested in the flower buds; I like to plant them myself. If you want, I can tell you something about tulips, they’re my favorite…” 

She didn’t have the time to finish, and Aspen didn’t have time to answer to any of her words when Pierre came back, immediately starting to talk.

“You shouldn’t think about flowers at the beginning of the spring, Aspen, if you want to find any profit on the old farm. I recommend cauliflowers and kale. You’re probably unexperienced, so at the beginning…” he talked and showed her different seeds, making his wife disappear behind the doors to their living area without any word. 

Aspen bought some of the seeds he gave her and, exhausted, left the shop, heading immediately toward the saloon. That day was too much for her; talking and everyone treating her as if she didn’t know about anything. Well, she probably didn’t, but it also didn’t help her mood. 

She also felt uneasy after the unfinished conversation with Caroline. She could see the woman wanted to share her knowledge, and Aspen would be happy to get to know more about the flowers. Why was Pierre so harsh? She didn’t like it one bit. 

Another time, she thought tiredly. At that moment, she was just starving.

Entering the Stardrop Saloon didn’t help; the moment she opened the door, mouth watering smell of food hit her nose and she couldn’t do anything more than to take a stool behind the counter and ask for something to eat.

“Well hello there!” a burly man with huge moustaches and the widest smile on a planet stood in front of her at the other side of the counter. “I'm Gus, chef and owner of the Stardrop Saloon. Stop in if you need any refreshments. I've always got hot coffee and cold beer at the ready.”

“I’m Aspen, as you probably heard.” she smiled, couldn’t help it looking at Gus, who just radiated positive energy. “And I am in desperate need for some coffee and hot meal.” 

“You came in the right place, then!” he laughed, his voice booming through the room. “Coffee coming right up, then you decide what you would like to eat. Today’s special: baked fish.”

“Ooh, that’s my favorite, a baked fish, please!”

Gus smiled again, disappearing behind the door to the kitchen and his place took a woman with cobalt hair and the smile matching his, pouring Aspen a large cup of coffee. 

“I’m Emily, I’m working part time with Gus here, it’s a blessing to meet you!” she said, her voice sweet. “I can read it on your face. You're going to love it here in Pelican Town.”

“It’s very nice to meet you, I’m Aspen.” she also smiled, feeling her cheeks brighten at the compliment. She buried her face in the cup to hide it; the first sip of the coffee was like a dream coming true. 

“I hope I’ll see that smile on your face more often! It look gorgeous on you!” Emily chirped and Aspen knew she would said something stupid with answer, but the reply got lost when next person entered the saloon.

That evening at the saloon she met Pam, who only introduced herself and got into deep silence for the entire evening, Shane, another person sulking around the beer with “I don't know you. Why are you talking to me?” as the greeting, and Clint, who was smiling shyly, and talked even more awkward, but at least tried to talk to her about his occupation as town’s smith, giving her some tips about taking care of her tools. 

When she walked out of the Saloon, it was dark outside. Aspen wondered, walking on the city square, full and exhausted, with food for the next day or two in her backpack, how everyone in the saloon was so bummed, when both Gus and Emily did everything to make them at least smile.

She also, unconsciously, looked at the town’s clinic, thinking about the good doctor she’d met. The lights on the first floor were on and she wondered what was he doing at that moment. She felt strange, her cheeks getting hotter and heart skipping a bit. Was she…?

No, don’t think about it, she scolded herself, speeding up her steps. You just got here and you won’t have any crushes on any cute doctors in the valley. She told herself that for the entire walk and when she finally crossed the gate to her farm, she was almost sure it was the truth. 

Her looks leaned on the cottage a she left them, but she didn’t have the energy to cleaned them. She didn’t even took a shower; believing she’d do this at the morning, she left her backpack on the table and undressed. 

That night, she fell asleep the same moment her head touched the pillow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's Friday, so the new chapter is up! I am beyond excited, because now, finally, the story begins :) I was very excited to write first meeting with Harvey (inspired by the fact that at the first day of the game he's spending some time in the garden next Jodi's house) and I think it came out nicely... what do you think? 
> 
> I'm here: hilltop-farm.tumblr.com


	4. Respite

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first week isn't as easy as Aspen thought it would be. However, there is always some peace between the storms.

Rain in the valley took Aspen by surprise.

First time she saw the rainfall, mere days after moving into the farm, she sat on her porch for hours, watching the raindrops sinking into the thirsty soil, listening to rhythmical tap tap of them hitting the freshly grown plants. 

It made her feel melancholic, but also alive, first time in years.

With the first rain, Aspen found herself at the ocean, soaked and freezing, but even more in love with the place than before. 

She thought about the first time she saw the ocean, barely seven, clutching her grandpa’s hand. It was the day like that, with the wind and the rain and the overwhelming feeling of immensity of the waters in front of her. She still remembered them sitting on the pier, Aspen with eyes huge with awe and in love, for the first time.

Seeing the same view, after all those years, she was choking back the tears, overwhelmed with memories. 

The grey clouds hang heavy on the horizon. The waves hit the shore with steady rhythm. The salty scent was everywhere.

Rain was ubiquitous and she took a deep breaths, one after another. With heavy heart, filled with relief and desperation for something unnamed. 

When she set the first step on the old, wooden pier, the tears started running down on her face.

It was catharsis, letting the body release all the grief and uncertainty. Aspen felt she mourned all she lost the past few years for the first time.

Yoba, was she tired.

She stood in the rain for what felt like years, until her body shivered and her mind was finally blank. 

When she was ready to get back, she turned around and saw the man standing behind her. He was looking at her with crooked smile, ragged in a way that told much unheard stories of age. She looked at him with wonder.

“I saw you're paying the respect for the old waters, young gal, so I didn’t disturb ya,” his voice was gruff, and she remembered it. 

She remembered Willy, because he looked like all those years ago, when her grandpa brought her ashore and show her how to fish. She also remembered his long stories about seas and far lands, how he and grandpa filled her small head with colorful images and want to explore. 

Willy greeted her with the harsh warmth she identified with people his age, made some tea she would be forever grateful for and sat with her on the covered bench against his shoop, looking at the ocean they both loved so much. 

He didn’t let her leave without one of his old fishing rods. 

Aspen left Willy at the evening, rain still chilling the air. The sky was dark as the heavy clouds on it. She stayed on the old pier for a while, looking at the deep, dark waters which seemed had no end, and cried.

**

The one rainy day at the ocean was only a short respite from her new life.

She found soon enough that the soil under her feet was hard and unforgiving, the birds hungry for the seeds and the day with not enough hours to do everything she needed. 

Aspen worked continuously for days, tearing out the weeds, removing small rocks and enormous stones, cutting down the trees and trying to led some path into the woods east the farm. Every day, she cried herself to sleep, exhausted, with muscles sore and thoughts grim.

When she finally broke through the trees and debris to the forest, the passage towards grandpa’s shrine, she completely forgot about, came into the view. She found the altar, carved in the cold stone. Her legs refused to support her weight for longer. 

She cried on the old path, her fingertips roaming through the stone, filled with grief.

For years, Aspen refused to think about things making her weak. She still wasn’t ready to acknowledge all of it, but the sight of the tomb made her remember. Her grandpa was really gone. With him, her childhood and carefree times. Since then, everything in her life went downhill.

After returning to the old cottage, she was exhausted. Knowing full well she didn’t have anything to eat at home, she went to bed without more than a glass of water, and fell into restless sleep. 

**

Going to the town next day didn’t make Aspen feel any better. While deciding on living in the farm, she couldn’t predict how tired meeting new people would made her, especially with how limited her social interactions past few years were. 

Now, seeing unfamiliar people everywhere, knowing she had to approach and talk to every one of them, made her uncomfortable and awkward. 

There were people whose niceness made her feel ungrateful (Marnie, Evelyn and Sam were the best examples; she smiled at them, she hoped, kindly, but the smile wouldn’t stay on her lips for too long) or people who tried to be nice, but miss a mile (Linus and Penny, especially the girl, who smiled sheepishly with every word coming out of Aspen’s mouth, not saying any word back).

Jodi, trying to be helpful, talked with verve about her husband being a soldier, asking how hard was for Aspen to have almost her entire family in the military, not seeing how much she didn’t want to talk about it. At the end of the conversation, Aspen was tired and almost cried, as Jodi stated to Caroline that they bonded over that. 

The worst, the worst was completely hostility she saw in Shane’s eyes every time they locked their eyes. Nothing ever made her feeling more out of this place than his sharp words.

Even complete contempt she saw in Haley’s eyes when she met the girl for the first time was as hurtful as that. 

After the hapless day when both Haley and Alex made her feel like garbage, Aspen avoided the town for a while. She was exhausted even thinking about meeting new people, so she hide in the forest south of her farm, trying to fish in the river and foraging. 

Even then, she couldn’t run away from all the townspeople, especially the ones living in the edge of the woods. 

Leah was tall and looked like she could take care of herself, but her words were always spoken softly and airy. Aspen found herself immensely fond of her company, especially the silent understanding when Leah just felt Aspen want to be alone. 

Elliott, Leah’s best friend, was a completely different story. He appeared at the evening in front of Leah’s cottage, when both of the woman sat contently, and filled the silence with countless stories, spoken with sophisticated words and passionate hand movements. He talked about art and poetry with Leah, making Aspen blush lightly at the passion both of them emit with every word. 

She smiled contently then, for the first time in almost a week. 

**

Her first crop was a disaster.

Aspen was trying not to be dissapointed; two dozens of average parsnips, lying in her wicked basket were looking… average. They weren’t big enough; she knew some of them was too thin. I did something wrong. Maybe not water them enough? Or the soil wasn’t soft enough? 

She couldn’t pretend she felt the pang of disappointment. You can’t do anything right, her father’s voice ringed in her head. 

She put all the parsnips to the selling bin, pretending not to feel the sting behind her eyelids and run the entire way to Pierre’s to buy another seeds before the day ended. She then proceeded to read few different articles about the plant care to make sure everything would be as good as it’s possible and spent two times more time with a hoe and watering can than before.

She skipped the dinner and build another chest for the debris she gathered that day, avoiding thinking about the growling in her stomach. When the sun set, she was barely standing on her legs. 

It didn’t prevent her from walking the entire way to Clint’s first thing the next morning without a breakfast, though. Satisfied enough with the earnings from the day before, she brought all found geodes to the man, getting some stone and one artifact for the Gunther back.

At the museum, Gunther was more than excited about her finding, so she nodded along his delighted words about her found chicken statue. She thought it looked silly. 

Aspen couldn’t pretend she wasn’t tired at that moment; she looked at the watch on her hand, thinking about what would she eat at Gus’.

She had troubles keeping the track of Gunter’s words when she finally gave him back the lost books she found. Her mind was elsewhere, tired after the week of straining herself. 

The library was empty, except one person occupying one of the desks, books lying neatly around them. They sat upright, murmuring quietly, their finger gliding along the words they’re reading.

She immediately recognised the person and her body was quick to react, as she felt her cheeks burn. She wasn’t in the city to talk, she had much work to do on a farm, but it was Harvey. She hadn’t seen the man since the first day she got to the valley and she couldn’t be sure when would be the next time they’d seen each other. 

Aspen tried to look casual. Harvey was entirely lost in the book in front of him, back straight and legs outstretched. She realised that his shirt sleeves were folded, showing his forearms. With the wild mop of hair and focused look on his face, he made Aspen almost trip over the desk. 

She cussed quietly and his head jerked up, alerted. “Oh dear!” he huffed, his hand clenching around the sweater next to his chest.

“Sorry, doctor,” Aspen smiled apologetically, tucking her hair under her ear, hands trembling a little. “Didn’t want to startle you. I was just going back and… thought I come and say hi.” 

“Don’t be, it’s always nice to see you,” his arms visibly relaxed as he smiled; Aspen definitely wasn’t swooning. “It’s Sunday, and the day was so nice I thought nobody would be in the library so I decided to come here and read some.” 

In her mind, she couldn’t choose between leaving the man alone and let him relax in peace or stay a little while, to forget about her own failures and then feel bad that she kept him occupied. It had to be seen on her face, because the next thing she heard was Harvey’s question. “What about you?” I hope you’re taking breaks, physical work is very exhausting for an unaccustomed body.”

“Really, doc? You won’t let it go even on Sunday?” she asked playfully.

His adorable smile was a reward for the entire week of hard work. 

“You’re right, I apologise, it’s just hard sometimes to forget that I should be human first.” he still looked at her for a long time with worried eyes. Aspen knew he wanted to say something, but restrained himself. 

“I’m okay, really. Getting used to the new place is just tiring.” 

“I will believe you, for now.” Aspen was sure he was eyeing the grey bags under her eyes. “I will, however, ask you to come to the clinic for a check-up. We need to complete your files and then we can make sure you’re adjusting well to your new life.”

“I am taking care of myself,” the words sounded harsher than she intended.

“I apologize if it sounded as an accusation, Aspen, I didn’t mean it like that.” he said, voice worried. “I know you can. Just remember to sleep at least seven hours a night and eat balanced meals every day. That’s it, I said it. Now I can stop to be the doctor.” 

“Okay, doc, I will try to remember all of that,” she answered with a huge grin he reciprocated; she still felt a little bit offended, but knew he meant well. “So, whatcha reading on that fine afternoon?” she stood close, peering over his shoulder. 

“I promise it’s not the medical book,” he showed her the cover. In it, an old looking airplane occupied almost entire page. Stick and Rudder, she read, an Explanation of the Art of Flying. 

“I am pretty sure my dad had this book, then passed it on to my brother when he started taking his lessons,” she said, feeling almost giddy from the perspective of having anything in common with Harvey. 

Harvey looked at her with wide eyes, visibly surprised. “You have pilots in your family?”

She couldn’t contain her huge grin. Finally, after all that time, her family was worth something. “Almost my entire family were fighter pilots! More like, my dad and my grandad was. Then, my brother was airline transport pilot and now he’s working in flight academy.”

“Wow, this is so amazing,” he leaned toward her, putting the elbows on his knees. “I always wanted to become a pilot.” he took off his glasses and started cleaning them with the hem of his shirt. He looked up then, at Aspen, his kind eyes shining with excitement. Her breath caught in her throat. 

“I… um… Why didn’t you?” He looked at her funny, then waved the glasses he still had in his hand. “Oh… I’m so sorry…” The awkwardness was short lived. She didn’t like how sad and defeated he looked. “My life was always filled with stories about flying, I even learned a little and my brother has his own plane, seriously!” she started to babble, then started asking him about the read, interested in what the man had to say.

And boy was the joy a good look on him. Aspen couldn’t stop looking at the intent look on Harvey’s face, his cheeks dusted pink and eyes shining with passion. She drank every word he said, gesturing widely and almost falling off the chair at some point. Aspen smiled with him, but couldn’t shake the somber thought of his dreams couldn’t been fulfilled.

They parted ways a lot later than Aspen was anticipating, but didn’t felt any remorse about that. She tried to persuade the man to eat the dinner in the saloon with her, but he only left her on the steps with a polity smile.

Everything was really looking alright. 

She ate the dinner in Gus’ and took more takeover than she ever did, making the mental note of trying to feed herself better. She even smiled at Emily twice, praising the dishes she received. 

Still, Aspen had one thing to do on that sunny Sunday. Her present for Lewis, quartz she found in the second level of mines, lied in her backpack, tucked between packaged food and stones. 

It wasn’t hard to find him, standing around the clinic. She hoped, very much so, that major would appreciate something she found the small gift from the mines. 

However, he didn’t. 

“This makes me sick.” he wrinkled his moustaches and made Aspen feeling very dumb. “What a horrendous gift.”

“I thought you would like it...” she immediately felt small, the thought about delightful afternoon spent with the doctor forgotten. He just looked at her silently for a moment.

“I guess it’s the thought that count.” his voice was cold as the stone as he left her there, stuck in a place. 

Aspen tried very hard not to cry, walking down the path from the town. Stupid, she thought to herself, you should try harder. 

Ashamed, she wouldn’t show her face in the town for almost entire week. 

Really, nothing was alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, yay, another chapter. Late Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to everyone, sorry I couldn’t upload last week.  
> I really am feeling weird writing so much about the farmer’s - Aspen’s - family, but I greatly enjoy family feels in the stories.  
> And, another annotation: writing this story made me realise how hard is to write the fic in parts. I have chapters planned, but then, when I write, I usually add or cut and it doesn't make much sense. I am going to change everything, anyway.  
> Also, yes, I love Willy.  
> You can find me at hilltop-farm.tumblr.com :) Have a nice week!


	5. New hobby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spring, Egg Festival, new addition to the family and unneeded complications.

Avoiding Pelican Town became Aspen’s new hobby.

Talking to people was hard. Smiling was tiring. And why would her lips say the things they did? And then, when she finally made a fool of herself entirely, she felt awful for a week straight. She was just that awkward.

But it’d been so long since she had friends last time. It was, of course, her own fault, with work occupying all her time, and she wasn’t denying it. She also knew that the practise would make all of it easier. But even easier was to sit on her farm and pretend the world outside wasn’t real.

There were good sides of that situation. The less time she spent making other people feel uncomfortable, the more time she spent taking care of the farm. The hard work paid off; after a week, she harvested two batches of nice parsnips, looking way better than the first one. 

With first earnings, Aspen started to create farm expenditure plan in her notebook. She knew she had to think about the cottage extensions for winter (she still felt weird thinking that much into the future), she also wanted very much to build a coop and a shed. The money she received from the crops and selling junk wasn’t enough to save yet, being need for cauliflower seeds. 

She also wanted to plant some strawberries; she needed to know if they’d be as tasty as her grandfather’s once were.

It wasn’t the only thing taking Aspen’s time. She almost became addicted to exploring the mines. There was something captivating in bearing the sword and axe and exploring, digging deeper and deeper, fighting goo-like monsters and finding the treasures locked into miles and miles of stone. She never went deep; she was getting tired very fast. It couldn’t prevent the rush of adrenaline every time she found the ladder to another level.

Maybe she had few new cuts and bruises, so what? Harvey wasn’t there to make her regret it.

Of course, even the mines came with new acquaintances, but this time Aspen was excited. 

Marlon and Gil were veterans of adventurers. Every story they recounted made Aspen giddy with excitement. She almost felt like a child, enchanted by the world Gil was telling her tales about. The first time she got the access to the Adventurers Guild, she stayed in their old cottage, listening to stories and asking questions, till Gil fell asleep on his rocking chair.

Aspen, of course, felt stupid. 

Marlon comforted her, at the same time putting comfy looking blanket over old man’s frame. “Trust me, it’s normal for him to feel asleep like that. He’s just excited. Not every day we have a visitor.” 

Aspen’s break from people was cut abruptly with the neatly written invitation, put in her mailbox. Egg Festival? She reckoned it’s some kind of town’s gathering. But what could they do there? Pray to the giant egg?

“You know, festivals in the town are long-lived traditions, and folks here are very connected to their traditions”, Leah replied, when Aspen visited her to ask outsider what to be prepared for. They sat on their favorite spots under the enormous tree on one of the small islets deep into the woods, her friend trying not to be annoyed by Aspen’s absence previous week. “And their traditions can be a little… peculiar. Tomorrow we’re gonna… eat a lot of eggs and… have an egg hunt. I’ve never had the need to take part in the hunt, but it’s little bit fun, if you dig something like that. But better come. People here are taking this very serious.” 

Aspen decided that she did like it. Before the departure from her cottage, she made sure her braid is nicely done and her trousers were changed into freshly washed, brown one, instead of her usual, torn pair. 

When she entered the town’s square, everyone was present and the entire place was decorated with colorful pennants. The aroma of different egg related dishes made her hungry way before she even saw the tables full of food. 

Seeing everyone together was an odd sight. She looked around, noticing most of people she already knew, were usually standing with strangers. The same thought of meeting new people again, made her anxious. 

She was saved, almost immediately, by Sam, who was smiling his wide and sunny smile, waving. His group was made by two additional people, both strangers to Aspen.

Sam introduce his friends the same moment Aspen approached them. Sebastian, looking completely unimpressed about everything around him, told her a story about the times their gang run around the city, throwing rotten eggs around. “ Mayor Lewis put an end to that pretty quick.” he finished bitterly, visibly not caring about the man and Aspen decided he’s a keeper. Abigail, with purple hair and round face, smiled at her, but complained about not being able to explore Rosemary Farm anymore because of Aspen’s arrival. She cheered up immediately when Aspen mentioned her mines exploration. Till the egg hunt, they were talking excitedly about that.

All of them decided to take part in the hunt. Standing in front of Lewis and not listening what he had to say, Aspen looked around the crowd, unconsciously searching for for Harvey. She finally did find him, and when their eyes met, he smiled widely and waved to her. She waved back, and when she turned, Abigail watched her with surprise. 

“You know the doctor?”

“Well… y-yeah. We’ve met the first day I moved here and since then we talked few times. We’re getting along just well,” oh, did she feel her cheeks turning red.

“Weird.” Abigail commented, looking between them. “I’ve never seen Harvey getting along with anyone, definitely not being like that.”

Aspen raised a brow, ignoring Lewis’ annoyed sigh. “Why? Does he not have any friends?”

“I mean, he always keeps for himself,” Aspen could definitely sympathise. “He’s boring, and doesn’t talk much with anyone, but Maru.” 

Aspen wanted to ask mores, hungry for more informations about Harvey outside her own, but Lewis interrupted him. With his booming voice, the older man started the countdown, and both girls prepared for the start, excitement buzzing in the air.

Aspen loved the competition, knowing every egg found made her closer to the winning. And she did win, with 12 colorful eggs tucked delicately in her pockets. 

She was grinning, proud, when Lewis gave her the reward. The straw hat felt rugged in her hand, but she knew she’s going to wear it with pride.

Surprisingly, everyone was happy with her victory; she suspected Abigail and Sebastian let her win. 

After the hunt, she was taken by Robin, forcing her to eat some egg salad and meet her family. Maru turned out to be a girl younger than Aspen, with beautiful, dark, red hair and golden skin. Her smile was blinding. 

No, Aspen wasn’t jealous. 

She definitely inherited the smile from her father, Demetrius. She immediately get to liking the man, his analytical mind and knowledge about everything she could ever wanted scientific informations about. With their not so long conversation, he pointed her towards some interesting books about farming and gave her some pointers for maximizing her profits, recommending special fertilizer.

Aspen finally made her escape and busied herself by the Pierre’s stall, searching for the best strawberry bushes to plant on her farm. The man became irritated after ten minutes, not seeing the difference woman could see immediately. 

She decided to try some stuffed eggs and find some place to eat in peace, not having to talk about anything for a second. She sat on a bench by the river, her bushes tucked safely under it.

With the place, she also found Harvey, standing away, but no close, face turned toward the river, visibly lost in thought. He looked peaceful; probably didn’t want anyone to bother him.

She also got lost in her thoughts, imagining Harvey looking at her and smiling, approaching. If he wanted to, he could’ve just come and sit next to her, they could’ve talk for a while and…

Her daydreaming session was brief. Two other frames approached, sitting in both sides of her, covering the sight of said man.

“Welcome, my winning friend,” Elliott’s smile was as charming as always. His long hair was elegantly tied with green ribbon. He looked like 18th century poet. Next to him, Leah rummaged in her messenger bag, pulling out a bottle of wine.

“We have something to celebrate,” she grinned, giving both of them plastic cup. She looked around and noticed Harvey, now watching them with thoughtful expression. “Do you want to join, doctor?” she shouted, making him blush.

“Oh… no, thank you, Leah. It’s very kind of you, but maybe another time,” he smiled apologetically and looking at them for the last time, left. 

Aspen sighed loudly. She got a pat on an arm in return.

“Is he always like that?” she asked her friends, when she finally had the cup full of wonderfully smelling peach wine. 

“Like what?” Elliott looked at her with wonder in her eyes. “Like an apologetic loner? Certainly.”

“I think he’s only friend with Maru, but I always assumed it’s because they’re working together,” Leah put one of her legs under her and started to break off pieces of huge chocolate egg. 

Aspen helped herself with some, too. “They’re working together?”

“She’s some kind of nurse, I don’t know. She’s definitely taking care of documents and such,” Elliott sipped from his cup with unreal dignity. “Maybe he’s an eccentric doctor and only Maru puts up with him? Or he’s only pretend to be nice and deep inside thinks we’re not good enough to be friends with him?”

The wine was perfect, so Aspen busied himself with that. 

“Or maybe our good doctor haven’t found his muse yet? Someone to make him get out of his shell,” Elliott mused again.

“And you did? You’re out and about all the time,” Leah raised a brow, another chocolate egg in hand.

“Of course, I’ve got to met you,” he took Leah’s hand and kissed the top of it. Both of the women rolled their eyes, Leah with jovious laugh. 

“Well, not everyone likes to spend time with other people,” even saying that felt weird on Aspen’s tongue. She was unsettled by the conversation, especially because she didn’t know what was the real answer. She sipped the wine in silence, the conversation around her changing. 

All in all, Aspen left the festival with smile on her face, hat on her head, strawberries to plant and head full of thoughts. She still didn’t want to think about the feelings she’s getting, especially towards the town’s doctor. How was that she started to like him so much so fast, and other people knew about him even less than she did, living there for only two weeks? 

All of the grim thoughts lasted only to the morning. When the sun was waking up from the night’s slumber and Aspen made her first step on her porch, she halted immediately, facing Marnie, who, smiling apologetically, put her hand firmly on the dog. 

The dog.

The dog, smiling on it’s own way, full of charm, was a beautiful, caramel looking crossbreed, with long, dark ears and small, shining eyes, dark like two coal globes. 

“Hello, Aspen,” said the woman, panting slightly. “I found that rascal wandering around the passage towards your farm and wasn’t sure what can I do with him. Maybe, by some chance, you would like to adopt this stray?” 

The dog was already close to her, sniffing on her boots. She patted him on a disheveled head. 

“Are you sure he doesn’t have owners?” Aspen moved the chair on a porch closer to Marnie, so the tired woman could rest.

“Nobody in the city have a dog,” she replied. “And it’s not the first time I saw him here. Jas told me she had been giving him food. He is living in the woods.”

Aspen looked at the pooch, and the dog looked back. She already knew the answer.

She named the precious dog Blake. After Marnie departure, she put all her plans on hold and run towards the town, coming up with the plan. 

She needed someone with a car and knowledge about the veterinary clinic around. The place to ask was clear for her.

The door to the clinic opened with light jingle and immediately Aspen was hit with the smell of antiseptics. Her default reaction to the smell was to feel uncomfortable; she spent too much time at hospitals to feel different. Even the soft music playing in the background wasn’t enough to calm her down. 

There was noone at the counter, but she could hear some voices coming from the door standing ajar. She contemplated the shouting or just walking around the counter to see someone there. Not having much time, she decided to get over it and pushed the door leading to the small corridor, at the end of which the doctor’s office door also standing ajar. 

Aspen stuck her head in the crack and saw Harvey, laughing openly at something the woman next to him said. 

She immediately felt awkward, seeing the exchange between them; they were visibly comfortable around each other, much more than Aspen saw Harvey ever been those few times she spent any time with him. When he stopped laughing, he looked at the girl with such affection Aspen felt uncomfortable, as if she disturbed some very important moment. 

Even if you were normal, he definitely wouldn’t look at you like that, she thought to herself bitterly. 

And Maru was so beautiful, with that wide and glowing smile. You can’t even smile for more than a second. 

At that, as if rescuing her from the thoughts, the woman turned and saw Aspen, probably looking stupid and miserable. “Oh, hello!” 

Aspen stepped back seeing how Harvey, finally noticing her, immediately paled. She smiled awkwardly, again, when the girl came closer. “Hey, Maru, Harvey, I have an emergency of sorts and wanted to ask about…” at the ‘emergency’, Harvey made a worried face, looking at Aspen with wide eyes. “No, doc, don’t worry, everything’s okay… I just… by some chance, adopted a dog and…” 

Maru laughed again, warm and melodious, still looking at Harvey, who visibly collapsed on the sofa. 

“I wanted to ask the doctor if he could recommend me some vet around and also i wanted to ask if there’s someone in the town who could take me there? Giving the fact it’s probably far away and I have no car or horse or...” 

“But of course,” Harvey fixed the glasses on his nose, sobering immediately. “I can recommend you a doctor in the nearest city, around ten miles from here. I would take you there by myself…”

“Sure you would…” Maru smirked, still looking stunning with that smile. 

“But unfortunately I have work today. Regarding the car… well, you can ask anyone, half the town have one, but the closest would be probably Pierre and Caroline.” 

She thanked the pair, trying to be as polite as she could, but feeling the pressure of the time. She had much work at the farm; she couldn’t spend the entire day searching for a vet. 

Outside, Blake was making new friends. Vincent, laughing adorably, patted his head the same time the dog salivated on his shoes. Sam, standing next to him, grinned seeing the girl. 

“It’s your dog?” 

“Ah, yes, since today. His name is Blake,” she couldn’t hold back her smile, looking at the small boy and bigger dog next to him.

“He’s a good dog,” replied the small man, hugging the pooch. “I want to have dog, too.” he looked at his brother with pleading eyes.

“It’s not my choice, man, you know that. Mum would probably go crazy with all the mess the dog like that would make...”

“Let’s get a deal, Vincent, hm?” Aspen came up with an idea. “If you’d be able to watch the doggie for a little while longer, while I’m gonna ask Pierre for a car, I promise you I will come with Blake some time so you can play with him, what do you think?” the smile on the boy’s face was enough to answer her question.

Soon enough, she came back with Caroline (she was so, so grateful Pierre had to stay at the shop and his wife agreed gladly to help Aspen), and after some persuasion Vincent let go of the dog. 

Aspen didn’t know who whine louder. 

Blake, surprisingly, instead of trashing Caroline’s car, lied calmly on the blanketed back seat, drooling on himself. Aspen was beyond surprised the dog didn’t try to do anything crazy, giving the fact he was suppose to be raised in woods.

The trip to the nearest town took them less than half an hour. During the ride, Aspen had finally asked Caroline the questions about flowers and other plants she grew in her garden, and she was replying with a smile. Aspen was feeling warm inside seeing Caroline so relaxed and happy, explaining and teaching. 

Aspen suspected Caroline didn’t have much time to talk about her hobby with anyone, especially interested in what she had to say. But Aspen listened, made notes and wondered loudly about about summer flowers she would definitely plant next season.

The vet was nice enough, giving the fact that the visit was the moment Blake decided to make a fuss. Turned out, the dog was nearly a year old, healthy and unvaccinated. 

With heavy heart, Aspen paid for the vaccination, necessary appliances and some dog food. She also took notes about the care of the pooch. She wanted to be the best owner she could be.

As a thank you, Aspen invented Caroline to the small cafe on the town’s square. They ordered big cappuccinos and croissants, sat in the full sun, with Blake sleeping off the visit next to her chair. Aspen felt peaceful, but not enough to forget about tasks needed to be done on the farm, scolding herself for that. 

Caroline talked with her quiet voice, so open and full of motherly love, wanting to share the pride of her daughter to everyone. “She is just like me, when I was younger, you know? So full of energy and want to explore the world, living for the wonders of the world… I just wish she would make better decisions regarding school…” 

She was reluctant of talking about Pierre, though. Aspen didn’t want to pry why is that. 

When they came back, it was long after 1pm. The work wouldn’t make itself.

Blake, visibly restless, run around entire farm while Aspen planted her new strawberry bushes and substantial amount of cauliflowers bought before at Pierre’s. The soil was visibly plump and watered from the last planting. She was content.

When Aspen finished, the sun hung low on the horizon and she was almost asleep on her feet. She knew that she still had to build a scarecrow, but she gave herself a moment to breathe.

The evening looked beautiful from her porch where she sat, a bottle of water firm in her hand. The farm, with every day, looked more lived in, more arranged. The smell of wet soil and cut grass filled her nostrils. Blake was still running around, smelling and touching with his paws everything he’s encountered. 

Aspen felt exhausted. It’s not getting easier, she thought, closing her eyes for a little while. The change came too quickly; she was not prepared for that. Running away from the biggest failure of her life was more important than thinking if it made any sense. 

You’re doing the same thing you’ve done at Joja’s, that strange, omniscient voice in her head sounded terrifyingly similar like her father. You’re working and working and destroying yourself for what? Just so you don’t have to think. About yourself.

Now, sitting there, slowly falling asleep, she realised it didn’t make any sense. At all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Another week, another chapter! Can you even believe it's 5th chapter and I still upload? Wow. I still can't.  
> How are you all? I hope your week was amazing.  
> I feel like the pacing in the story is... off. I'm far too gone to do something about it, but I hope it's not too bad. I didn’t know exactly how should i tackle the subject of egg festival, but I think it was okay. Let me know what do you think. Also, if you’re interested, I imagine Blake like the dog from the 1.4. release, the one with small eyes :) 
> 
> I’m still at hilltop-farm.tumblr.com :)


	6. Burned out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes, life is complicated and incomprehensible decisions are made.

The sun was warming her skin, but the grass was cold under her fingertips. She felt lightheaded, like she could’ve float away, if not for the familiar pressure of Blake’s head on her tight.

“Fancy seeing you here.” 

The voice came from far away. Aspen didn’t need to open her eyes to know who’s addressing her. She smiled lazily, without opening the eyes. Blake raised his head like on alarm.

It was a good strategy for a few more moments; have the eyes closed, still turned towards the sun, not having to look and get carried away with that tight feeling taking control over her heart, making thinking impossible. 

She could live without saying stupid shit. Again. 

Just few more second, she thought. Her back hurt, leaning on the bench. 

Harvey took the place on a bench, like normal human being would. She still sat on the grass. 

“As if we’re not seeing each other here often,” she teased. Her lips quiver.

It’s just a guy, Aspen, calm down.

Yeah, right, you calm down. 

She felt the pressure on her leg disappearing, replaced with the sniffing around her leg. 

Blake was going to meet his new friend. Aspen opened her eyes, not knowing how the dog would react to the newcomer.

That was definitely wrong idea.

Harvey, without a vest or a blazer hiding his form, hesitantly outstretched his hand towards the dog’s snout. He sniffed at the hand intently. 

After a moment, Blake sneezed, definitely smelling some antiseptics, but allowed Harvey to pat him lightly on a head.

Harvey’s hair shone in the spring sun like interwoven with gold, and he smiled at the dog, the shy smile making his eyes crinkle and Aspen head felt even more light.

Oh, how her heart hurt. 

“I am positive we haven’t met before, Blake,” the doctor said quietly, his long fingers caressing the dog’s ear. “It is my pleasure to meet your acquaintance.” 

Aspen just looked at them both, and yearned. “He definitely likes you.”

Harvey smiled at her then, as he always did, till she had to busy her hands with adjusting the glasses and her straw hat. 

His eyes was on her all that time.

Aspen knew she’s looking good today; even small Vincent told her so. She was happy that, at least once, Harvey could see her on her best. 

(She was definitely happy she didn’t wear any shorts despite the beautiful weather; Harvey would definitely not look at her with such happiness if he saw her last injury from the mines.) 

“I can see the sun suits you,” he said, without thinking, momentarily looking away, probably regretting the words. “I mean… it compliments your hair.”

She had to giggle at that. She let her hair down in the morning just for that occasion.

“I am sure if you’d spend some more time around the sun, you’d get some of them freckles,” at least she could blame her warm skin on sitting in the sun for too long. 

For some time, the garden close to the clinic became their default meeting spot in the town. Aspen cherished every quiet moment they spent under the trees, without any medical interventions or disturbances from other townsfolk.

It was always a little bit awkward.

It was also the thing Aspen waited for days to come.

She watched for a moment, how Harvey clumsily tried to pet Blake. He was telling her about him never having pets, and always wanting some, but she quickly lost the flow of the narration. 

Aspen looked at him, and wondered, what did he do before she came to the town? Who did he spend his breaks with? How was his days looking like? 

Was Aspen someone who make him change his habits or was she just inconvenience for him? 

“So, how was your day so far?” he asked, making her lose yet another thought. Out of nowhere, the doctor took the thermos Aspen hadn’t noticed before and separated two small cups, pouring still steaming coffee in them. 

Aspen accepted one of the cups with gratitude. 

“We’ve spent it running around with Jas and Vincent,” she smiled, sipping small gulps of liquor. It was reach and bitter, just as she liked it. “Okay, more like: them running around, I just stood with Sam around and make sure they won’t fall too many times,” she grinned at the memory. “Sam’s super cool with them kids. He is wonderful old brother,”

Harvey wasn’t looking at her anymore, his gaze on the cup, as if lost in thought. “Yes, yes. Sam is very good with Vincent, Jodi always praises him for that.”

She didn’t know what to say to that. There was something strangled in his voice. Did she say something wrong again?

“What about yours?” 

He poured another cup of coffee for them both. His hands were trembling slightly.

“Nothing out of ordinary. With some Maru’s help, I finally made sure to arrange all the documentations,” he sighed, visibly tired. Aspen tried not to feel jealous of his assistant. She couldn’t stop herself from snorting at her own stupidity. “Which, actually, reminded me of the fact that you still haven’t shown for the check up.” 

Blake, sitting between them, wigged his tail lazily. 

Aspen so wouldn’t have this conversation at the beautiful day like today. 

“And you didn’t show up on my farm, how about that?” she teased. It was his time for snorting, but coming from him, even that sounded adorable. “I promise I will, eventually, when I’ll have the time and money for the tests,” the same moment she finished, she felt she shouldn’t said it like that.

Harvey looked at her questiongly.

“Aspen, you do know I wouldn’t take the money from you for a first check up, right?” she was full blushing right now. “I promise. I just want to make sure everything is alright with you, as your doctor.” 

She knew that Harvey was just worried. She also knew he had every right to be. 

“Okay,” she sighed loudly. “I’ll come this week, around Wednesday, okay, doc?” He smiled, reassured. 

They didn’t talk about it more. Aspen felt uncomfortable till they parted ways.

**

She also did come to the check up on Wednesday.

She made sure she took the shower after attending to crops and put on some fresh clothes. She also made sure that the wound on her hip looked healed enough for Harvey not to freak out. 

It wasn’t only anxiety she felt, going down the path leading to the town. Yes, part of her was stressed by the mere thought of Harvey looking at her and, don’t know, checking her pulse. 

At the other… she looked at herself in the mirror. She knew past few weeks was harsh on her body. Coming to the Rosemary Farm, she was almost sure she finally would gain some weight and then, some muscles. Instead, she was even thinner, and even with the thought put into making sure she ate… it just wasn’t happening. 

So she knew what would happen at the clinic. She didn’t anticipate it. 

The day was cold and windy. Soon, her hair were tangled in her glasses and she had to waste few moments to just make sure she looked presentable. 

Boy, was she. Breathe in… breathe out. 

She felt like in the kindergarten, pushing the door to clinic open.

The soft jingle was inviting; definitely more than more audible “Shit!” whispered under the Maru’s breath or the sound of glass breaking. 

Maru, standing behind the counter, looking as good as always in her nurse outfit, watched the floor with terror, unmoved. The glass mixed with bleak formula created a weirdly shaped pool under her feet. “Oh no…”she whispered. “The whole sample is ruined…” she breathed heavily, and then finished with whining, “Harvey will kill me…” 

“Maru, calm down. Harvey would never,” Aspen had no idea what to say. Maru, as out of trance, looked at her as if she hadn’t seen her before.

“What should I do now?” she was panicking. Her eyes were wide.

“Just… tell Harvey it was an accident. He would understand.”

She breathed loudly, then deflated. Again, and again.

“Yes,” she said, exhaling. “you’re right. I should tell him a truth.”

Suddenly, the door opened. Harvey, certainly called by the noise, came from his office, his eyes immediately locking with Maru’s. 

He definitely hadn’t seen Aspen yet. She made sure she wasn’t visible, curled up next to the front door, surprisingly stressed by the encounter. 

“What happened? I heard something break,” Harvey asked; also looked too good for Aspen’s liking. 

“Uh… I... accidentally dropped the samples… I am so, so, so, soo sorry,” Maru’s voice was trembling, but her gaze was set hard on Harvey’s. 

He looked at the mess at the floor and, after a while, came near her, putting his both hands on her arms, both reassuring and grounding. 

“Thank you for telling me the truth, ” his voice, calm as ever, made Aspen shiver. “Don’t worry about those samples, we’ll just get another one.” she smiled at that, lightly. 

That weird feeling, of catching two people at something she shouldn’t, filled Aspen’s body with cold shivers. She couldn’t explain it, even to herself. 

“Thank you for being patient with me, Doctor Harvey.” Maru visibly relaxed, smiling. 

They looked so comfortable around each other, the emotions between them comfortable like soft blanket. Aspen blinked few times, as if it would help with stinging eyes.

“Of course!” Harvey let her go, still smiling. “You’ve been a big help around here. I don’t know what I’d do without you!” 

They were still looking at each other, smiling. 

Aspen felt more like crying.

And then, Harvey finally noticed her.

“Aspen? You look a little pale. Are you feeling okay?” she definitely didn’t. She just looked at them, with fast beating heart.

What’s going on with me?

“I… I...” she murmured, feeling ashamed. Her hand squeezed the door knob. Both people in front of her looked questiongly at her. She didn’t know how would she explain all of it for them. “I’m going to come back some other time.”

She’d never run so fast in her life.

**

“Well, aren’t we avoiding town again?” Aspen first heard, then saw, Leah, coming out of her cottage. In one hand, she held the bowl and utensils, in the other - her beloved sketchpad. 

“And who gave you that idea?” retorted Aspen, turning her head towards the river and it’s calming sound, hugging her knees tightly. 

“Well, definitely not everyone at the saloon or Maru asking me about you every day for a week now. Definitely not Harvey, looking more uncomfortable than ever before while seeing me at Pierre’s on Thursdays.” the bowl was forcibly put on Aspen’s knees. It was filled with steaming pasta. 

Aspen felt nauseous. 

“Can’t I be alone and wallowing in self pity even in the forest?” she muttered, but take the bowl anyway. It smelled to good and she was starving.

“Oh please, you’re not hiding,” Leah sat next to her, gracefully as always, opening her sketchbook. “You wouldn’t sit in the close proximity to my cottage if you would, you’re smart enough for that.” 

“Am I? I don’t know anymore,” oh, the venom on her tongue felt incredible. 

“Take your time,” Leah said casually, pulling the pencil from her braided hair and looking at something to draw. She was a saint, Aspen always knew.

For a moment, there was only murmur of the river and pencil strokes. Aspen ate her dinner. It was delicious, but she couldn’t taste much. When she finished, she put the bowl next to her, took off her glasses and buried her face in her hands. 

“I don’t know what’s happening to me,” she finally started, her words muffled by the hands. “I am unable to make any sentient decision, I can’t concentrate on conversations and nothing is getting easier with time, as it suppose to. I just… say something, and the regret it. Then, people get mad, and I can’t blame them, because I’m also mad at myself. Then, I can regret all of those things. And then regret some more. Did I say I regret everything?” 

Leah was still scribbling, something looking like harsh silhouette in the woods. Like a bear, or a moose.

“I feel like everything is going wrong since I came here, Leah. I don’t belong here. I still… I still don’t belong anywhere,” she finally spat out. It felt good. 

Leah stopped sketching, watching a river for some time. 

“Can I be honest with you for a moment?” Leah’s voice was quiet.

She nodded. 

“When you came here, you were burned out. Out of place, out of purpose in your life. Even though, you pushed and pushed, not thinking. And now, after more than a month, it’s still the same,”

Aspen wasn’t a smoker, but at that moment, she would kill for a cigarette.

“I was once like you, in the city,” Leah put one, cold hand, on Aspen’s knee. “I was constantly on the move, wanting to do everything, but at the end, not achieving anything. I was miserable like that. And I think you are, too.”

Aspen felt like the shame melted in her, penetrating all the parts of her body.

“You look worse than before, Aspen. You also… feel worse, like you stretch yourself too much. I feel like this,” Leah pointed out on her heart, “wants more than this,” then she put her hand on her head, “and they don’t cooperate. And it’s slowly killing you.”

She was right. Aspen knew Leah was right but it still felt wrong. 

“And you don’t understand, that at that point, you need to, put yourself first. Stop running away from everything and everyone. You need to just sit. And think. Try to understand what you really want.”

Aspen felt like her eyes were burning. She wanted so many things, but for the most part, she wanted to succeed.

Yet, she did everything not to make that possible. 

“I want to have a place where I belong,” she whispered, feeling the tears in her eyes. “To work, and create something beautiful. To… make friends, and make others happy. To breathe, once in my life, and not feel the tightness in my heart...”

Leah smiled, wiped the tears from Aspen’s face and hugged her tightly. They sat like that for a long while.

“You need to take your time, Aspen. Stop forcing yourself to do thousands things every day. You need to be kind to yourself, and sometimes do something you want more than you think you need to.” Leah eventually let her go, but Aspen found her hands again. 

“Step after step, not constant running. Think what you would make you happy. Spend some time with people, not run away every time someone tries to make up a conversation. Go sit on a beach for a day. Go for a walk with George… Play with the kids, or draw with me. Meet people, but don’t force yourself if it’s not the day. Just… try to live, not just… exists like you do.” 

“I am not the best with socialising,” Aspen finally admitted. 

“Well, you could’ve been better if you’d actually try,” Leah grinned, making Aspen blush. “I would say you’re doing great job with me or Harvey,” at the same thought of the man and their last meeting Aspen felt like the worst person in the universe. “Yeah, I can see that blush, you should work on it some more. You should also talk to Maru, she is really worried she did something wrong.”

Aspen just groaned. 

“It’s not her fault I’m so…”

“Jealous?” prompted Leah. 

“Yeah… I mean, no, what are you talking about?!” 

“Okay, we’ll work on that another time.” 

The forest around them hummed with the spring wind. The river sung along with them. Aspen sat there and thought about everything she heard.

She also thought about how much did she miss Harvey.

“You know that asking for help isn’t the end of the world, right?” Leah asked after a while. Aspen didn’t look at her. “You need to, sometimes. Changes are hard. But it’s going to be alright, at the end. Just trust me.”

They, and they sat like that for a while. 

Her heart, first time in a long time, felt calm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If it's not clear, in my story the season has a little more than a month. Also, hear events are used as a background, not like something happening exactly how it's in game.
> 
> To add to all of that, thank you all for kudos and hits :) It's nice to see some people like what I'm writing. 
> 
> I can be found here on hilltop-farm.tumblr.com
> 
> Have a nice week!


	7. Relax

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aspen tries to socialise, forces herself to relax and face her fear

Some days, Aspen missed working for Joja.

There was a reason why the monotone typing and counting and picking up the phone was so comforting for her. Since childhood, she had struggled with changes, both insignificant and severe. Going to school after holidays, making new friends, it all made her anxious and unable to sleep. 

Then, her family suffered with first major lost, and it made Aspen’s fear even worse. 

She tried, though. Since coming to the Rosemary Farm, she tried every day to accept the new reality, to change her old habits. It wasn’t easy, but she tried.

Knowing that Leah would help her in every possible way, made her want to try harder. “It’s the end of the spring. You can take few days off and just relax, right?” 

So she did. One last harvest and Aspen was taking a break.

That last week of the season greeted her with ground frost.

The entire valley was covered with thick coat of milky mist when she emerged from the cottage that day. The air was crisp and damp, small dew droplets were settling on Aspen’s hair and jacket. She breathed deeply, taking a moment to enjoy the view, and then, got to work.

The last cauliflower harvest was a big one, and it made Aspen exhausted to no end. The soil, hard and cold, made it hard to extract the plants from it. To her surprise, almost every one of white crowns were beautiful and healthy. 

She just hoped that the earnings would be enough to supply new seeds.

The same day, in the afternoon, found Aspen in Marnie’s kitchen, previously bought pepper poppers, neatly packed in sealed box, lying on her knees. Older woman bustled around the counter, making tea and slicing deliciously smelling cake.

“It’s so kind of you to visit Shane on his birthdays!” she exclaimed when Aspen came from the freezing cold of the outside. She was suppose to just give Shane the meal and got got back home, but Marnie’s smile and invitation did sound too nice to reject it. 

So they sat at the kitchen table, warm beverages in their hands, and waited for Shane to come back from work. Aspen knew the man wasn’t keen on her, but decided that it’s not the reason to be unkind and forget about his birthdays. 

Jas came for a slice of cake, all giggles and purple laces, but run away quickly, seeing that Aspen didn’t take Blake with her. 

“She’s such a sweet child,” Aspen mused, tearing off the pieces of a cake, her eyes still on the small girl running away to her room.

“Her parents would be so proud of her...” Marnie replied, the sadness in her voice too bitter for the girl to ask about it. “But let’s not to delve into it, not today.” she looked at Aspen, calming smile brightening her tired features. “How do you like here, in the valley? We haven’t had the time to talk properly about it.” 

Aspen tried to be diplomatic, talking about the crops and the sea and her possible animal purchases, but she knew it’s not entirely what Marnie asked about.

“I heard from Major Lewis that you had some misunderstanding,” she hinted. Aspen sighed loudly.

“Misunderstandings are the thing I’m doing best, ma’am,” the self deprecating tone didn’t escape her companion. “I just wanted to be nice and give him something small for a birthdays, but he didn’t take it nicely. How was I supposed to know that he didn’t like quartz? He treated me like I would give him poison! Since then I am even scared to ask him about anything,” she complained. 

It was Marnie’s time to sigh.

“For a grown man, he can be such a child sometimes,” saying that, she shook her head. “I’m going to talk to him and try to stick in his head that it’s not how you treat people… How about others? Are people treat you good here?”

Fortunately, she didn’t have to reply. Shane walked into the kitchen and froze, his eyes locked with Aspen’s immediately. 

Was he going to be mean for her, either?

She took the box from under the table and gave him, with awkward smile. “Happy birthday?” 

He looked inside and grinned, showing off his dimples, his eyes shining.

“Oh… You remembered my birthday? I'm impressed. How'd you know this is my favorite?” he looked so alive at that moment that she had to return the gesture, feeling light and happy. 

The three of them spent the afternoon with another cup of tea. Shane looked almost uncomfortable, but came to life when Marnie mentioned his chickens. Aspen looked how excitement and adoration made his features relaxed. He looked years younger. 

She left the cottage in the evening, full of cake and bursting with energy. 

The next day she decided to visit the library, thinking that maybe Harvey would be there, and she could just apologise on some neutral ground. She wanted to borrow some books anyway, and gave Gunther some of her strawberries, knowing full well the man didn’t left his place much.

Harvey, to her relief and disappointment, wasn’t there, but library custodian was kind enough to make sure she found every book she needed. She also met Elliott, who was too happy to see her and took almost an hour of her time, explaining new ideas for his book. She would lie if she said she didn’t enjoy herself.

She decided to take on some fishing in the mountains in the afternoon but it didn’t go as well as she intended. Hours were passing, she still couldn’t catch anything more than few carps. She was this close to crying.

Lost in her sad thoughts and concentrated on slimy bait, she didn’t realise the sun was hiding behind the mountain tops. Finally, she capitulated, cursing loudly at the end, and almost dropped all the bait into the lake; someone snorted next to her.

“What’s up?” she looked up to see the mop of dark hair and a smirk. How did Sebastian come so close without her noticing? “You look pissed.”

“Heya, Seb,” she sighed, deciding on finishing this sad spectacle nobody would call fishing. “Let’s just say that’s not the best of my days.” 

He hummed, smirk still visible on his face. “Mum’s asked me to tell you that you should join us for dinner,” he lit up the cigarette, so she sat next to him. “It will either make you feel better, or make you miserable. I want to see which one it’s gonna be.”

She laughed at that, receiving another smirk. She would never imagine being friends with him would be so easy. Sam had probably something to do with that. 

Remembering Leah’s words, she agreed. Socialising was the key. Trying not to think about the fact that she would have to spent that time with Maru, she enjoyed a quiet moment sitting outside with Sebastian. 

When they entered the house together, Robin greeted her with so much warmth it made Aspen almost uncomfortable. But she was glad, seeing how much enjoyment the woman showed, seeing the farmer with them. 

Maru, in the other hand, was very surprised, and Aspen didn’t even blame her for that. She felt weird, remembering the situation at the clinic, but even with the few more years of experience, she couldn’t find the words to apologise to the girl. 

Fortunately, when Demetrius came into the picture, he got too excited asking Aspen about the farm. She, for a change, replied with asks about his research, so the entire evening came with them talking over the dinner, making Robing laugh and Sebastian more sarcastic than ever. For a moment, Aspen forgot she should be uncomfortable around almost strangers, but reminded herself about it after coming back to her cottage. 

Being friendly was easy. She could get used to it. 

**

Full with the new energy, two days later, Aspen bought herself a radio and coffee machine. They were both old, but blended with the cottage interior smoothly, finding their place on the windowsill close to the fireplace.

Aspen almost forgot how much did she love the music. Finding this love again wasn’t hard, and she spent entire day listening various stations, making notes on which one was her favorite.

The day before the Flower Dance, she spent the morning in Robin’s, talking about her ideas of expanding the home and her entire farm.

She drew plans and notes, both things she loved to do, and Robin made enough amendments for her to know that Aspen was on a good track. They talked about materials and costs till she got a headache even thinking about the money. She knew she had to put more work into the farm if she’d ever wanted to make that plans into reality.

With the new informations, and enough coffee in her veins to survive everything, she went with the well known path to Harvey’s clinic. 

Don’t let the fear guide you, she thought, take the wheel of your life. 

After few sleepless nights, she decided that the best thing she could do to not make her and Harvey’s friendship even weirder than it was, was to just go and let him make this stupid check up.

Even if she felt shivers even thinking about it. 

Not giving herself more time to think, she opened the clinic door with gusto and stood face to face with surprised Harvey.

“Aspen! I didn’t expected you today,” she tried very much no to notice how good Harvey looked and how hard her heart was beating. She looked him in the eyes, probably looking stupidity seriously. 

“I came here for the check up. Let’s get it over with.” 

Probably sensing the tension, he nodded, guiding her to his office. The smell of medicines was prevailing and made her feel dizzy. 

“After our last… encounter,” he said, leading her to the small stool, busing himself with preparing the needed tools. She sat miserably, her hands trembling. “I deduced that you don’t particularly enjoy hospitals, am I right?” 

She gulped. It was probably better that he thought that’s the only reason she run away. 

“Actually,” Aspen started, but her voice broke. “I am terrified. I spent too much time in hospitals during my life not to,” she didn’t want her voice to sound so purely panicked, but she couldn’t force it to act normal. 

Harvey stopped what he’s doing and looked at her, his eyes soft, but serious. He pulled up his chair as close to her as he could and touched her arm lightly. She shivered, but felt warm inside.

“I promise, I am not going to hurt you. It’s just basic tests, okay?” his voice was soft and so warm Aspen had to blink, her throat tightening. “Just breathe. I’ll be fast.” It was probably the voice he was using towards his smallest patients, and she was kind of glad about it. 

She felt the coldness of his fingers through her thin shirt when he squeezed it and let go. 

Aspen had to close her eyes so she wouldn’t run away. The memories of her previous hospital visits came through her head, one by one. Some of them, she barely remembered. But now, she felt safer, especially listening how Harvey, with his smooth voice, explained what he was doing, step by step.

Closing her eyes was also a good addition; she was sure she wouldn’t survive looking into his eyes while he touched her throat, imposing some pressure in places where her tonsils were. She could imagine, too visibly, the same situation in different occurrences and she perished the thought as soon as it came. 

“Your pulse is a little bit too high,” he murmured when he measured her pulse as the last thing in the agenda. Still with eyes closed, she breathed deeply, but the pressure in her heart didn’t loosen. 

“I am a little nervous,” was an understatement. 

He laughed, and then Aspen opened her eyes. His cheeks were dusted in pink, and she couldn’t help but smile. 

She waited while he wrote the diagnosis in his notebook. She looked around, being there for the first time without having to run away fast. It was very tidy and amazingly bare. No pictures of the family on the wall or the desk. 

It felt cold.

“So,” he started, leaning on his seat. Aspen corrected her glasses. “You are healthy, but I have some worries. As your doctor, I have to inform you that you are underweight and it is visible enough for me to note. You are working on a farm, Aspen. You have to take enough food to sustain the exertion you’re taking, even if you were used to different way of life. It is not dangerous now, but if you won’t do anything about it, it can be.” 

Aspen sat there, stunned. She recalled the same conversation taking place some years ago. She also remembered how it ended. 

“Just try to remember about it, okay?” the soft voice came back. She nodded. “With that, you can go. Thank you for the visit. I am sure you are glad we are finished here.”

“Thank you for taking your time, doctor,” her voice was still tight. “And sorry for all the inconveniences.”

Harvey gave her a candy as a goodbye, and she couldn’t force herself to say anything more. She got lost in well known thoughts for the entire way home. 

Just as she crossed the threshold of her cottage, she decided it’s as good time as any to finally call her brother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I won't lie; I had some trouble with writing this week. Also, I am not sure now, but will be next week, how my upload schedule will look like when I'll go to work in February. But it's still at least one normal upload more :) Hope you'll like that chapter! 
> 
> You can find me here on hilltop-farm.tumblr.com :) :)


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